How Many Oysters Does it Take to Get Horny: An Investigation

Turns out if I ate over a certain amount, I got very, very horny.

A few weeks ago, I went on a date with a handsome guy who didn’t like seafood. I ordered a full dozen oysters and took his polite refusal as fortuitous, then proceeded to tuck in while he watched on, looking half disgusted, half bemused, until I finally caught his expression.

“What?” I asked, mid-chew.

“You know oysters make you horny, right?”

I rolled my eyes and decided I probably wouldn’t sleep with him, then wondered if there was any merit to his claim. Later that night, after I’d ditched my date, I went home and googled “do oysters make you horny?” only to find nothing conclusive. I discovered they’re loaded with zinc, which aids in the production of testosterone and increases sex drive for both men and women, but beyond that most of the scientific literature seemed very non-scientific.

So, in the name of good science, I decided to put myself on a one-week oyster diet. The plan was to eat an increasing number of oysters every day at noon, exponentially upping my intake over a week. Aside from that I’d attempt to live normally, while journaling my sex drive, and hopefully discover whether there’s any correlation between oysters and libido—and, if so, how many oysters it takes to get horny.

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